“I’m sorry, there is nobody here called London, you must have the wrong number, goodbye.”
Okay so that’s a really old joke about the introduction of telephone usage, you know back in the days before mobile phones and text messaging, when people used to dream in black and white because there was no colour TV. We’ve just had a new phone system installed at work, it sure looks pretty, but that is probably the only nice thing I can say about it. What really scares me though is my reluctance to embrace new technology. You see once upon a time people used to call us and a little light on the phone would illuminate to tell you what line they were on. If you put them on hold that light would flash and you could say to someone “I have a call for you on line three” and they could go and pick it up when they were ready. Nothing too difficult there.
Now with this new system there are no lights to tell you what line someone is on, you can put them on hold but you have to transfer them straight away to the next terminal which means the person has to be at their desk to take the call, or you can park the call, find the person said call is for and then after pressing about eighty fucking buttons they can take the call where ever the fuck they please, however should the lucky call be on hold for more than forty seconds they get given our night message telling them to call back during our hours of operation and then they get cut off. Seeing as I’m playing receptionist due to my company’s refusal to actually hire a receptionist, this is giving me a stomach ulcer. Even writing about it is upsetting me, just thinking about the next time that phone rings makes my heart break just a little more.
Of course my smart arsed little apprentice has picked it up straight away. I wouldn’t have any problems either if other staff would just stay at their bloody desks. But no, that would be all too fucking easy wouldn’t it and we don’t do things the easy way here. My technophobia seems to be getting worse. I think I’m becoming my parents.
Now I have a question for you. How do people get anything done these days? You see I work six days a week, and just last week I discovered my car has a flat battery. It has since been sitting on the side of the road, immobilised. I called the place that installed my battery twelve months ago and asked about possible warranty coverage, they told me the battery would be covered by two years warranty and that if I bought the car and battery in together they’d replace it. Fantastic. Now if only their operating hours fitted outside of my working hours I’d be laughing. What do other people do in these situations? Personally I’m thinking I might just stick a “Please steal me, I’m a piece of shit and will bring you much misery, but I look pretty sexy” sticker on my car. I would just leave the keys in, but considering the battery is flat that wouldn’t really help. My poor girl needs the air con fixed, plus the drivers door won’t lock with the central locking system and my boot release is broken, there is a Holden dealership just around the corner from my work who could look at her however they open after I’ve started work and close before I’ve finished so again, fat chance of that happening. How come I always end up working shitty hours at shitty jobs and yet any service I wish to obtain doesn’t offer operating hours that I need. Am I the only sucker doing this shit?
Oh grumble. Righto you pack of bastards, I provide you with free entertainment – and yes it bloody well is entertaining because you keep coming back – so here’s the deal either you pad my ego, tell me some nice things, and generally offer some support or else I may have to do something drastic, like, um, I dunno. Show some emotion or cry or some shit like that. Jesus-fucking-Christ-on-a-bike. I must’ve had a nasty week. Sorry if it sounds like I’ve got sand in my cunt. I haven’t, except maybe I have. Wanna have a look for me and let me know? You’re a gem. Thanks.
